25: The Quarter-Life Crisis

I think there are probably two ends of the spectrum in regards to people who have opened this blog post. One side sits close friends, family, and people who are genuinely interested in the progress throughout my life and what I actually have to say. The other side, I would say is filled with eye rolls and statements like, "Is he really doing a blog post for his birthday...". But hey, I'm glad you're here regardless.

This is the third writing that has consecutively taken place on my birthday. Honestly, if any of this unneeded advice serves to help someone, that makes this effort special unto itself. However, if nothing else, it allows me to see how I've grown over the years and just how dumb I was in the past. And I'm sure next year I'll probably say the same thing about where I am now.

So let's get down to it. The big 25! Time for the quarter-life crisis.

It's been over two years since graduating college. About 16 months since returning to the US from living in Europe. And just over a full year since moving to the great city of Portland, Oregon. I still make payments on my soccer mom-looking car that I named Pearl. I still rent a lovely little house with some fantastic roommates and fail to make the yard look nice. I've been lucky enough to start my Nike career which has been a dream of mine. And, believe it or not, I even convinced a wonderful woman to date me.

The aforementioned are the tangible changes in my recent past. Important yes, but I'd love to talk to you more about what I've learned over the past 365 days.

To do this, I would like to break the remainder up into three parts:

Being still, being intentional, and being vulnerable.

Being Still:

“Our 20s are the defining decade of adulthood. 80% of life's most defining moments take place by about age 35. 2/3 of lifetime wage growth happens during the first ten years of a career. More than half of Americans are married or are dating or living with their future partner by age 30. Personality can change more during our 20s than at any other decade in life. The brain caps off its last major growth spurt. When it comes to adult development, 30 is not the new 20. Even if you do nothing, not making choices is a choice all the same. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do.”

-Meg Jay, The Defining Decade

Damn, that's a lot of pressure.

I usually never hear my friends or colleagues say, "Man, I have nothing to do this week," or, "I had such a good night sleep last night," and I'm sure that's true for most of you. Maybe it's pride in proving one's work ethic or perhaps simply the nature and speed of the world today. Regardless, many of us stretch ourselves thin to the point where enjoyable tasks can become obligations, and idols can be made of our day-to-day contributions. I can't tell you how many times I've put off phone calls to friends and family because I told myself I would get to it later. Or how many times I've put off reading my bible because I had simply worked so hard that day, so God would understand...

That's a pretty good sign of when the really important things in life are starting to come second.

I think there are many ways to combat this. 100 people will probably give you 100 different answers from turning off your phone, going outside, taking a vacation, and everything in between. I have no such magic answer, but for me, being still is about being with God.

Too often I think of trying to fit God into my life... My thinking should be the exact opposite. How do I fit into His? How am I apart of his overall plan? Much of those answers can come from being still.

There was an analogy shared with me recently. A friend talked about how sailors, back in the day, would lose all compass bearing when their ships were tossed around in a storm. The only way for them to regain appropriate direction was to drop anchor in a calm bay and wait patiently for a few days.

So many people have good intentions with the pulls on their time. They want to do good in this world, help others, provide, love, etc. But if one is constantly pouring out themselves, even for the benefit of others, it can be very hard to sustain.

Being Intentional:

"Bits and pieces, bits and pieces.
People.
People important to you,
People unimportant to you cross your life, touch it with love and move on.
There are people who leave you and you breathe a sigh of relief and wonder why you ever came into contact with them.
There are people who leave you, and you breathe a sigh of remorse and wonder why they had to go and leave such a gaping hole.
Children leave parents, friends leave friends. Acquaintances move on. People change homes.
People grow apart. Enemies hate and move on. Friends love and move on.
You think of the many people who have moved in and out of your hazy memory.
You look at those present and wonder.
I believe in God's master plan in our lives.
God moves people in and out of each other's lives, and each leaves a mark on the other.
You find you are made up of bits and pieces of all who have ever touched your life.
You are more because of them, and would be less if they had not touched you.
Pray that you accept the bits and pieces in humility and wonder, and never question and never regret.

Bits and pieces, bits and pieces."

-Lois Cheney

This poem continues to be the most influential piece of writing in regards to shaping my attitude toward relationships. And "relationships" is exactly the context I want to use for being intentional.

A relationship with your significant other, your family, your friends, your faith, your passions, are all somewhat mute without intentionality. So what is this buzz word? For me, it's more than making time. It's the conscious decision to see the life of another and the path they are on and want to be apart of it. Coincide that with the willingness to see that commitment through. That is having intention with your actions.

I know that I continually fall short of that lofty goal far too often. So thank you, to all of those that continue to be intentional with me.

Being Vulnerable:

“We are all of us not merely liable to fear, we are also prone to be afraid of being afraid, and the conquering of fear produces exhilaration.…The contrast between the previous apprehension and the present relief and feeling of security promotes a self-confidence that is the very father and mother of courage.”

-Malcom Gladwell, David and Goliath

Perhaps the hardest lesson of all three, is the ability to let yourself be fully known. 

There is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. True vulnerability is neither dominant or submissive, but it should always be regarded as courage. I don't deny the fact that being vulnerable opens ourselves up to fragility, but I contest that without it simply isn't living life to its full potential.

"I think our capacity for wholeheartedness can never be greater than our willingness to be broken-hearted. It means engaging with the world from a place of vulnerability and worthiness."

-Brene Brown

Thank you to all of you who have been a part of this quarter century.

With love,

Rhett